Am I on or am I off? That is the question
Earlier this week I caught up with a start-up co-founder I hadn’t spoken to for a while. He’s British, lives abroad, and was back in the UK with his young family for three weeks — their first visit since before the COVID pandemic. 12 days into the trip, he was exhausted.
I learned that the trip was part holiday, part work. They’d been moving from home to home — a few nights here, a few nights there — and seeing as many friends and family as they could.
Even though he’d designated some days as “off”, they ended up being partly “on”. He felt torn… disappointed with himself… like he was pleasing no-one. Things had started to snowball. Overwhelm was looming.
Can you relate? I know I can.
In writing this, I’m feeling it. Reading this, you might be too.
Let’s take a moment.
As you pause, rest the soles of your feet on the ground and lower your gaze. Tune into your breath and stay with it, just as it is. Notice your chest rise and fall. Allow your jaw to soften.
If you wish to, close your eyes and call to mind a familiar place in nature.
Here’s one of my favourites.
What are you noticing now? Overwhelm is a confusing place. A gloomy limbo somewhere between “on” and “off”, where we feel as if our mind and body have left our soul behind. Our soul wants to catch up, but our mind and body won’t slow down for long enough to let it.
It’s no-one’s favourite place to be. We can’t see things clearly. We’re easily triggered. We either overreact or withdraw. Sometimes both.
One way out is to pause, as we did just now, for long enough to allow the franticness to settle.
When the mist has cleared a little, and we feel calmer, we can take a look around us and ask ourselves this:
Right now, am I on or am I off?
As a leader, parent, partner, friend, it’s important to be clear about this. When we’re not clear, we feel torn. We only partially show up. Part of our mind is somewhere else.
We know it. Others feel it.
Showing up totally requires a clear personal commitment. For that to be possible, we have to be clear if we’re ‘on’ or ‘off’. Right here, right now.
What could matter more?
